obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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