just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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