She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
