To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
