what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
