Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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