Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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