She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
