This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
