I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
