There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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