Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
