the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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