At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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