This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
