i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize