I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
