saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
