Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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