I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
