So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
