I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize