would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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