note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
