I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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