All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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