New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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