i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
