I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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