Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
