I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
