So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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