How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
