How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
