You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
