I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize