and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
