I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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