he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
