why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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