THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
