I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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