Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
