oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
