I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
