Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
