Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
