I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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