He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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