So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
