Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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