he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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