Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
