Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
