I'd wear matching sweaters with you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
