In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
