Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
