I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
