I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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