you would pick up someone in the library
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
